it's either BLACK or WHITE. Somethings doesn't really matter.
Recently I am on MARRIAGE STRIKE! to find out what I mean, read on! hoho ok, this is a term I named myself, purely lynette's philosophy
It all started with a series of events and experiences that I must share it and look back as I get older. the surroundings, people around me and the things I read and see seem to be conveying a message and I just find it really amazing.
it's like almost close to nirvana
the 1st part of the story: My work deals with customers and I must say some of them really plan for their future, setting aside money for a better living.
It was then I started to reflect on myself. I must too start saving (Ok don't introduce endowment or savings plan now to me, I am a poor student!)
saving for the future. Nneth also had the same sentiments and saving too. only spend if we have the capabilities. some things cannot rush for the sake of showing off. Actually I think I am quite thrifty already except for some indulgences because I am still a lady. haha!
Nowadays, people are pursuing so much in life: status, career, car, credit card and end up choking up with loans and debts. I must yearn to cut down on my spending because for a more comfortable future.
BRANDED goods. How much are they worth? they don't yield interest. 5 years later, they can be considered outdated and depleted so to me, I am NOT into branded goods but rather the quality that speaks for itself and the price doesn't say much.
That's my take. I don't fancy and I don't need unless the design is great and durable but to part with a few HUNDRED bucks, I just can't do it, I can't part with the money.
Yeaps, I am cheapo! fake unauthentic goods keeps me happy too. I don't dress to show off. that's me and I am sure those who know me well enough will know that but if I do change and eat my words is because I became RICH & HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY ON HAND! wow I wish....... HEHEE
a Simple non-materialistic life will do. shop in metro or normal pasa malam too as long as the clothes fit me. 2nd hand too because it keeps me warm and covered.
I rather spend on IT gadgets, car, house and for my future lit' ones and family.
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the 2nd part of the story
I went to my team leader in my current temp job humble house. He was the same age with my nneth and got married just last year.
When I stepped into his house, a feeling of tranquility came over me. no, wrong... to be specific: my future vision appear.
the house layout was clean and extreme simple. simple and easy to interpret. the moment I walk in, I comprehend it all.
I see couple toys, pictures of them together, wedding bands, presents of promise, pledges of love.
LOVE is in the air.
no signs of royalty or trying too impress. it was just clear & lucid like their house: white, spaced out, glass
it got onto me. the LOVE. it smells of LOVE everywhere Suddenly, I was full of envious, full of admiration because 2 people in love living under the same roof with a simple motive, a simple life with a simple house.
I mean I wanted that all along. after tired day at work, come back with a peace of mind with your loved one by your side with a large space to breathe. it was an executive flat for a newly wed, mind you!
contented. no need private estate or condo and paying loans that breathe down our necks. at least this is what I feel for now. HDB is ok but the interior must be swee swee, comfortable, simple and cosy.
I don't mind doing household chores! serious!
I thought about us, about living together and be able to start off a family.
Now, you see what I mean from the start?
sweet fruits of love. overbearing and juicy, enough to feed you for the rest of your lives. worth pursuing for the early days.
darling, let's make simplicity explicate.
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the 3rd story
No, this is not the end. the 2nd time I cried so much in life when I watched Monday episode of "Triumph of the skies" when yunzhi died while sacrificing his life for a lit' girl and how yishan and yichen cried their hearts out.
I felt like I was in there, mourning too.
I felt Yishan's sorrow as someone who dearly loved someone and for the LOVE he shower upon her.
then, it ponder upon me, "what if I was her?"
I started thinking how life is fragile and we should all cherish what we have. losing a loved one. PAIN. REALLY PAIN.
at that spilt moment, I knew I missed nneth.
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The 5th story
I was being nosey and concern looking through friendster pics of my friends. some updates that I have yet to see.
I realised some of my friends are happily in love, some happily married, some just gotten their bundle of joy! I was very happy too!
babies babies babies.
it's like entering into a new phase. a new beginning. a new look-forward element. not that I want to be a mother-to-be but the feeling of being a mother suddenly dawned upon me of...
"Can I be a good mother when I am not a good daughter or gf not even to say wife?"
I thought of the virtues. I lacked.
thanks. I have A LOT TO WORK ON.
AM I willing to work on? what is stopping me? what will happen to me in the next few years? Am I giving my best shot?
of coz, my thinking just stops there. I mean there's no answers so don't think too much.
I mean looking at my friends who were like me before fulfiling their role at its best. doing so well, so lovingly, almost like what I wanted to achieve. the picture I wanted to protray.
I think I am encouraged and pacified. motherly feature as a start.
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my 6th Story
My mother was telling me stories about this ex colleague friend of hers. and when women come together, daughters' businesses come in.
wrong, I mean AUNTIES.
my mother told me about how successful her friends' 2 daughters are. scholars, smart, lawyers, married doctors, have kids, comfortable living.
I was like "SO?"
I mean why must we compare in life? everyone lead a different life so must I keep feeling SORRY about the state I am in just because of some other successful person I pass by or met?
Being the GREAT daughter, I just kept quiet. I mean if I argue, no ending to my stubborn mother. I don't mean that she was actually pressurizing me but her show-off friend was trying to make things difficult by asking, "how about your daughters?"
thanks! now I have a whole lot explanation to do.
no blood or war, I ended off by telling my mother, "As long as I am happy".
seriously, I don't feel pathetic because there will be someone worse off than me. but that's not the point.
the point is, " BE CONTENTED! "
my mum being the little kid trying to get some attention, I told her I promise to be at least able to FEED her in times later and be comfortable.
my mother in the most disasterous and cutest way:
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my last story
I was reading Aman's blog and I thought it's good she sort her thinkings out.
Now I was recalling what she told me before, "Isn't that because I love then I am afraid to lose?"
then I thought, true. if one truly love someone, he/she will tend to be overprotective, wanna see him/her and be extremely jealous.
Why I am not feeling strongly about this?
I feel secure with him. I give him space for his friends and gal friends even. I am least worried.
simply to say, not that I care less but just because I trust him too much he gives me the security I want and I don't feel skeptical at all. completely let off. I ask myself if one day I made this ONE MISTAKE to be lenient about this then I will say I have no regrets.
Because I live through this without a fear in my heart. take things as it comes.
needless to say, I give him wings like I never did before with my ex bf, Jack. In fact, we broke up because of jealousy and betrayal.
so why not bitten twice shy?
It's so hard to explain. It depends on how the guy assures the lady. he must let her know what he is doing. he must explain to her what she is worried about. he must give her space to miss him. he must accompany her when she need him.
I feel nneth fulfiled to his best eventhough he feels I don't care actually I do.
I do not wish to be trapped in a routinised relationship where 2 parties felt stranded, trapped and helpless when one is without another.
Today, I watched 2 dramas and ultimately reflected EXACTLY what I was seeking for: Zhang Simei told Zoe Tay,"Love is worth more than 500k but if he wish to leave him, I will let him because there's no insurance in a relationship" "if a man's heart change, no matter what you do he will still leave you so be open to him. let him have the freedom to do what he wants"
Zoe Tay rebuked to say that "she rather choose the 500k because Love is like a drug,makes you curious. it makes you want it and through time, it loses the passion and becomes stale but yet you know you can't live without it. it becomes an addiction."
eventhough Zhang Simei denies she felt something but ultimately, it's a woman's nature to feel jealous to show he means something to him.
how ironic! welcome to the woman's world.
It's about balancing. the scale of love. placing weights and taking off some.
my point is, "if you love someone, hold the sand in your hands at the right amount of strength because if you hold too loose or too tight, the sand will fall off your hands."
then I watched the Triumph of skies to learn something really enriching, don't plan too much. don't think too much as well. just live for today.
ENJOY THE PROCESS REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME
even you only live til tommorrow, at least you know you spend your day with your loved one like it was your last.
why worried if he will leave you? why worried if he will betray you? why worried that he will do something to hurt you?
because even if you keep him locked, he will still find a way to do it somehow, sometime and someway.
give him wings to fly and he will fly to you in speed!
