My baby, Elsa Chua was born on 4 Feb. 34 weeks and 3 days... she's a premature baby aka a premie.
she weigh 1.9kg and her lungs weren't strong so stayed in NICU for 5 days where tubes and wires hooked onto her. it was heart wrenching :(
I want to pen down every single thing so I can look back many years to tell my story. yes, like "how I met your mother" but mine is "How I give birth to Elsa" hehehe :)
here it goes:
It all started when I was bleeding profusely in the morning after my hubby went to work.
The funny thing was we were talking about whether I feel excited or nervous about her coming out.
the next thing was I was bleeding non stop when I was still lying on the bed. it was like water tap! I was shivering and very afraid.
only my FIL at home and he also panicked. at that moment, M1 network was down and he cannot even make a phone call to call ambulance. of all times!
my MIL, SIL all went to Europe and the maid went down to buy food for me.
When my FIL grab a chair for me to sit down, the blood just keep flowing down non stop from my cervix.
I was seriously scared to stiff :( I will never forget that feeling. I hope my bb wasn't in danger.
I called my gynae, Dr Paul Tseng from TMC for advice and thereafter, on the way to KKH. He already pre-empt me if need, can go to KKH to deliver the baby if there's heavy bleeding.
When i reach KKH at about 9am+, I was on a stretcher with my pyjamas and braless. The nurse took down my bottoms and my undergarment and that's when I realised, I was bleeding more than the other 3 times.
when I was in delivery suite, my hubby was with me and the medical officers with staff nurses attended to me.
Apparently, the medical officers are like medical interns and the doctors were giving real life lessons of my case to them -.- I was like "err... I am their guinea pig?"
what to do?
KKH subsidy emergency case - we wanted to save costs so we decided to go for non specialist.
there were conflicting instructions given by the medical officers. one told me, i might deliver today after checking if the water bag burst and another told me, deliver tomorrow.
the real doctor came and also gave me no answers.
the medical officer opened my cervix and my hubby saw 2 lumps of blood that resemble pig's blood in a cube form coming out from my cervix.
after checking, yes my water bag burst!
the staff nurse also confirmed I was having contractions of 3 min interval but seriously, it didn't feel like it.
I seriously hate the drip. I had 3 drips with 2 needles injected.
The flow was fast so it hurt.. The saline was flowing into my body.
I was thinking, OMG! this is not the actual delivery and I was already in pain.
when the medical officer opened my cervix, I already felt uncomfortable. I can't imagine doing natural delivery without epidural.
my FIL told my hubby that I must give birth from 1 to 3pm (the best hour) but it wasn't for us to dictate the slot of the operating theatre.
to cut the story short, I went into operating theatre...the anesthetist inserted the epidural into my spine but before that, a few anesthetists were arguing about my case and got a bossy nurse inserted another drip because I needed blood transfusion.
epidural injection wasn't as bad as I thought. seriously, i think drip injections are more painful.
I felt numb almost immediately and was laid down at the OT table.
the operation commenced.
I had a cloth covered below my neck area to prevent me from watching the procedure.
I started shivering - effects of epidural.
within 15 min, my bb was out! I heard her cry.. very faint light sound and they brought her to my face. I kissed her 2 times and she was taken away from me :(
the next few moments of 2 hours operation, I lost 2 litres of blood and unable to do stemcord for my baby.
the C sect wound was very painful for the first 2 days that I can't walk and unable to see my baby in NICU.
I stayed in a 5 bedder ward with no TV. geez, I don't know how I survived.
I started chatting with the other patients about our experiences and I was envious when they can bring their babies next to them. the drawback is the babies kept crying non stop in the middle of the night.
I started pumping my breast milk out. I was so happy when I had 10 ml of colostrum! but it was shortlived. next 2 days were only a few droplets of milk where my hubby have to save every droplet coming out from my breasts.
I was very determined for my bb.. so I pumped religiously every 3 hours even in the middle of the night.
3rd day I started walking to c my baby. so happy!
I can't believe things I have went through as a mother. the selfless love.
mama shi zui wei da de :)
for 2 weeks, she was in NICU and in SCN in KKH. I can only stay home for confinement to tell my hubby to deliver my EBM.
I miss her so much so I relied on the videos and pics my hubby sent me.
what a journey and more to come! I will post another post on her development.
She's my sunshine :D
A rainbow to end my day
so many things have change
Friday, January 03, 2014
things have change but people?
I think I have changed. I am glad it's for the better.. *grin*
2013 have been great.
- I got married to a great guy. he's not rich but he got the heart and treat me like a little queen :P
Marriage is for life and I hope we can make this last because no one knows what the future holds.
constantly creating the sparks and communication is key.
I never thought I would meet the one.
I had all these "standards" and "hygiene" like the guy cannot have BO, bad breath, snoring etc.
Keith have fulfilled them all. hope he maintains this way.
we will work hard together for our future. YEA!
- I got pregnant. yeaps, it's true. I am going to be a mother *gasps*
I am truly blessed to be given this gift from God. only he can create life.
it wasn't planned for but it just happen and I am glad :)
it's been 7 and a half months this pregnancy journey and it's been great.
I feel her little movements and big kicks in my belly... so miraculous and I am enjoying every moment.
I think I should record my pregnancy journey else I forget like my mum.
I asked her and she's like "so many years ago already, I forget"
My pregnancy started as a SHOCK.
I did not realised I was pregnant until i missed my menses for a week.
I felt normal except my stomach was not bloated. usually, before menses, my stomach will bloat out (not as if i have no tummy.)
so ok, I tested the pregnancy kit and it's POSITIVE.
i didn't believe it so i went to the doc. POSITIVE AGAIN. they took test kit to do it. -.-"
ok took folic acid then i had a bali trip upcoming.
at that time, I was lost and confused.
Should we get married? what if he don't want? can i take on this burden to be a single mum?
what is abortion like? how my parents feel? do we have the money to buy house and marry?
do i love this guy to spend the rest of my life with ? does he love me? will i regret?
what will happen if this kid grow up in a single parent family?
so many questions with no answers.
we decided to have a H2H talk about this.
he asked me 3 questions:
- Do I want to marry him?
- Am I ready to be a mum?
- How much do I want this?
he's a logical and practical person so he need these answers before he can make a decision.
well, to put the story short. the journey was great. we just ROM-ed first in TCC@keppel bay and decided we will put the banquet and customary on hold first till I give birth.
we bought our EC house all within a month in August which is ready by May 2016
we went to Bali and I drank alcohol (the last touch) and played in waterbom park in Kuta, Bali. took exciting water rides.. really fun! actually I was so "gung ho" as by right first trim, should be very careful else miscarry.
I had so much faith in God that this baby is meant to be and NOTHING not even the devil can take this baby away from us :)
"You shall serve the Lord your God, and he[a] will bless your bread and your water, and I will take sickness away from among you. 26 None shall miscarry or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days." - Exodus 23:25 to 26
my GOD is here protecting me and my baby... forever and for the rest of our days together :)
First trimester was smooth. I had good appetite and no morning sickness.. just nausea feeling all the time.
the only sad thing is I cannot drink or eat my fave sashimi :(
I ate one time and drank one time because my friend say as long as it's fresh, it's ok to take a few! but gosh, i felt so guilty after that.
I drank so much milk. 2 cartons every week - Marigold low fat, hi cal with DHA omega 3 is LOVE! yums
I tried taking supplements but the tablets are too big for me to swallow and I vomited them out therefore, I decided to do without them even when I used a cutter.
It is a joy to go gynae and see the little heartbeat growing inside me.
the joys of being pregnant is unexplainable.
I see her growing week by week makes it all worth it.
2nd trim was rather smooth sailing too.
Though I had nasty yeast infection that has form to a culture. it was afraid it will be strep B which is more complicated and will affect the baby.
I was also really tired. sleepy and having spinning headaches from time to time.
boobs got bigger, tummy getting heavier and rounder.
I was garnering for a boy but it turn out to be a girl! my hubby is happy :)
I wish for a healthy baby most importantly.
my OSCAR test was 1/555 probability and 555 represents grace! Praise the Lord!
this girl is rather active.
kicking, jabbing, turning, tossing, somersaulting I am sure.
I already love her before I met her like the savage garden song, "I knew I loved you before I met you"
Other things I felt during pregnancy is I was dropping hair and also feeling constipated. I tried eating fruits but still constipated until I get piles :(
got this lump at my anus but it's harmless so just putting moisturizer on it.
I also got flashes of ezcema on my face and scalp.
as you can see, if you read till here. I am trying to be as detailed as possible so next time can use it as a reference :)
good thing is i didn't put on much weight. the start of my pregnancy, I was 46.5kg and now I am 53.8kg.
my 2nd trim.. I didn't have much cravings or appetite. really weird unlike the rest.
so my friends told me, if they didn't see my belly, they wouldn't guessed I am pregnant.
my tummy is also not as big as my friend's wife who had her navel button sticking out already.
Moving onto 3rd trim now!
the first day of 3rd trim - horror thing happened! in the early morning, I feel liquid trickling down my legs.
I woke up at 9am in horror. I was bleeding and I rush to the toilet and wanted to pee but pee out chunks of blood. I was shivering. I hope my baby is ok. I prayed to GOD.
the night before, I felt my baby kicking vigorously. I wonder what happen so I went to c my gynae straight away and was still bleeding. when i took out my undergarment with my pad, the blood flow out like water tap on the gynae table below.
I knew it was my placenta - the life source for my baby.
I had placenta previa (major) and like the gynae say, it's like a seed planted - u will never know where the "Seed" will be planted.
I can rely on my GOD for this healing.
In his stripes, I am healed!
so I was admitted to hospital in thomson medical centre for 2 nights in a 2 bedder room.
My hubby stayed by my side until he gotta go off for running errands as his sister was getting married the following day.
i was still bleeding but not as much as before. I tried to pass motion but exert force so I bled more.
I just continue to relax... and was told to bed rest and no unnecessary movements.
after discharging from hospital, I still went to my sis-in-law wedding on 29 Dec but unable to go meet my friends for NYE countdown :( I was upset because every year, I was there until this year.
my hubby did not allow me to go because it's too big a risk.
nevertheless, it's been a week now - I am on hospitalisation leave and cheers to 2014!
15 march - my EDD and I can't wait to see my little one.
it's going to be a great journey in 2014 - parenthood, motherhood and babyhood.
I am going to go thru C-sect and may GOD give me the strength and courage with a smooth delivery as he has delivered me from my transgressions.
all glory to almighty GOD, my father, my abba.. my jehovah jireh, my shalom peace... and everything that had me whole and bring me to where I am today.
Heyo! so many things have change ever since I am single. this coming 18 May will mark 1 year of singlehood :) I will not say I throughoutly enjoy it but I will not say I dislike it as well.
the grass is always greener on the other side.
So here I am, in my personal space chanced upon this article and really wanna place this in my journal - for future reference
Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go: 1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
2. Give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life. 4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle 5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly! “A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle
6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all. 8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell 10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer
11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. 13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.
A rainbow to end my day
what's god gift to me?
Thursday, December 08, 2011
When I was in my teens, I dislike preachers.
I mean give me a break! "praise the lord!" "thank you jesus!"
It started since I was 6 years old, going to Bethesda chapel in Bedok.
Oh how long god's relationship with me have started and then neglected :(
I asked myself, "what god's intention to seek for him now?" "why now?"
He seeked my faith in him and to tell myself, stop condemning myself for the things I've done because god is a forgiving god and as long as I am the righteousness in my faith, I will receive an abundance of grace, amen!
I am not perfect - I have said and done things that I regretted and I often ask myself,
"this is my karma" "god want me to regret" "this is my retribution"
thank god, I attended new creation church and hearing sermon about condemning no more... to receive grace from god.
I am happy for my ex bfs who are all getting married except for the most recent one.
truly sincerely am.
don't think anyone as mention will read but I think I am good luck lynette :P
as long as they are happy, I am happy.. no point comparing happiness.
many years down the road, as I read this blog post, I hope I can dare to say "I did find my own happiness too"
and I am sure god will help me along this journey...
because god is great, god is good.
lately, I thought I will never like someone ever again because the hurt was too deep but god proved me wrong.
though the person did not reciprocate, I am glad he made me realised, my heart deserved a second chance - undeserving second chance to let myself fall over heels with :)
it was a quiet happiness, inside shouting "YES, I DID IT AGAIN"
my friend asked if I am sad, I say though I am but god made me see it positively.
and when god came into my life, it was great, it was amazing!
with god's grace, I've experienced greatness.
so this greatness starts here. it's about my father.
All along, my father is a man of a few words.. he work so hard that every weekend, every family outing, he was not around.
however, he made efforts to appear during my graduations, my overseas study trips to send me off in airports - was more than I could ever ask for truly.
My childhood was great because of my ever greatest mum but father is always around to support me financially and in times of trouble - when I was cheated, dumped in love, work etc.
he's not all great sometimes, he scold and insult too. but I take it all in just because he's my father and for my own good I presume.
when I was learning how to drive, it was not rosy because he's a driving instructor and frankly, i was a bad driver then :P so the scoldings went all the way from the driveways and to home even. being a man, being my father - he had expectations of a driving instructor's daughter.
Now that I am driving, he never fail to surprise me - wash my car, polish my car, bring my car for servicing, offer to sponsor this and that.
So where does GOD have a part to play in this?
I never thought much of my father. I've been showering my love to my mum who was more needy and attention seeking (I mean she's a woman?)
Last night, i was praying if god want to make changes in my life.. let it start with my family.
When I was driving home, I was thinking of my father.
I was thinking of the funny moments where I tried to find my father's car in the parking lot to park beside him vice versa and how he tell me, he washed my car speck and span and trying to get some acknowledgement from me. to me, it's funny - funnily loving. he would wash my car from time to time - free car wash, who don't want? haha
then my sis came home today say there's a funny incident just after my thoughts of my dad run thru my mind.
she told me an old friend randomly ask her if she wanna learn driving because he has a good intructor in woodlands to intro and his name is robert.
what are the odds that our father name robert is also staying & teaching in woodlands?!
so my sis ask if his surname is "chee"
then all came to light - he was introducing my father to all of his friends and to my sis!
LOL, i wanna shout: PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
he introduced 10 friends to my dad and my sis didn't ask him to intro driving instructor. he just spread the word volunteerily without rewards, without repayment.
he told my sis, my father was a strict and good instructor and scolded him when he was late.
wow! I was impressed and thankful to this guy friend of my sis.
inside me, I also know who to thank - the greater someone who is answering to my prayer almost immediately.
in god's grace, we reign.
thank god for taking care of my father :)
i pray for more greatness as I am righteous in my faith.