u noe sometimes forum can teach us alot of things.
as a matter of fact. true encounters allow u to prepared for the worst and even things you never thot it could happen to u.
I saw this case and I thought it was really worth thinking about:
WILL YOU GIVE HIM A 2ND CHANCE FOR A MISTAKE?
depends.
read on. (warning: long read but interesting for the mind and soul) and I just want to say, ladies: you are not alone.
gotten it from flowerpod.com.sg
Background SO and I have been together for almost 4.5 years. I am 26 and and working. He is 21 and in NS. His parents disapprove of our relationship (not due to the age gap but other things) and have been pressuring him to break up with me since day 1. but he hanged on. He is generally a perfect SO with cares a lot for me and spends most of his time with me. After he got posted to his unit in NS, he goes clubbing everynow and then. Although I didn't like it very much, I felt I should trust him so I don't disallow him to go (not that I really have the right to disallow him anyway). On several occasions, he has brought me along with him. But I don't enjoy clubbing. Main Story Today I looked at his HP sms when he was over at my place (I know I shouldn't but I couldn't resist). Obviously he met a gal last night when he was out clubbing. I guess if I allow him to go clubbing, I should be prepared that he might chat with gals. What angered me was that he smsed the gal this morning and asked her out for lunch. She wasn't free.
He was asleep. So I woke him up, pushed his HP to him, and asked him to explain. He kept quiet. Then he went through his inbox and deleted those sms. I told him, delete all you want but I have read enough. I left him alone and went about to do my things. Later on, we talked. I questioned him calmly. Eventually he admitted that he asked for her phone number. He claimed it was the first time he has done that. I asked why, he said he was just being playful. And insisted they only danced and sms. Never went out together.
I said, if he didn't love me anymore, just let me go, and he will be free to know other girls and have his fun. He said he still love me a lot. I tried to knock some sense into him, telling him, he has already sacrificed so much for our relationship (being withstanding his parent's disapproval), why must he do some silly thing and break our trust. If he is tired of being with me, or tired of facing his parents' disapproval, then the right thing should be that he let me go.
He said he knew it was a stupid thing to do. It was the first time, and it will be the last. And he asked for my forgiveness. I didn't scream at him or asked for breakup or chased him out of the house or anything. I merely cried a lot. Now he has gone home but he will be back again soon to bring me out for dinner.
I don't know what to do. He says he will not go clubbing anymore (i did not tell he not to go, he volunteered it). But I said even then, I don't know how to trust him again.
by a podder. ______________________
she don't want to break up with him. But she don't know how to trust him again.
DYING QUES FROM HER: How do I tell whether he is truly sorry? How do I tell if he truly loves me? How do I tell whether I should continue waiting for him, like I have done for the past 4 years? I know I chose to be with someone who is much younger than me and who can't marry me until several years later. In the past I know it is worth waiting because the love is true. Now? I am not so sure. Will I wait for him for another 2 years, only to to catch him doing something fishy again?
Was he just being playful? Does he really love me? Is this relationship worth holding on to?
AND THIS IS MY FRIENDLY 2 CENTS WORTH: How do I tell whether he is truly sorry? - It's really hard to say. based on my experience, guys can be gd actors. maybe he's really sorry but we all noe there's something call temptations and girls who MAY make the initiative and they think, WHY NOT?
How do I tell whether I should continue waiting for him, like I have done for the past 4 years? - girl... i know it's never easy. i had a 5 yrs before and he betrayed me. time is NOT AN ISSUE. i know there are many obstacles and memories but when people change, thigns change, expectations change. one for themselves. waiting, waiting and waiting and end up NOTHING.
TO BE realistic, how long can someone wait? what are the opportunity costS? what are the risk of change of heart? remember: YOUTH IS A WOMAN'S PRECIOUS THING. if you lose it, it's gone..... gone forever! my point is if he's worth the time even for the slightest mistake, girl you make the call.
I know I chose to be with someone who is much younger than me and who can't marry me until several years later. In the past I know it is worth waiting because the love is true. Now? I am not so sure.
- you made the choice and you should have known it from the start. risky but you took the chance for 4.5 yrs!!!!!!!!! geez.. i kinda admire you! not easy. but don't because of the sacrifices you made and not willing to take the plunge but noone noes what lies ahead.
the longer you drag, the harder and more hurt inflicted. you should noe. marry???? sorry ger. I hope life is SIMPLE as it sounds.
the future of u settling with him is bleak. I mean NS guys - who noes? how he will be treating u as a WIFE? we don't noe. uncertainty 100%
don't tell me TRUE LOVE. yes, u miss him. u love him. but realistically, how vague this truth is becoming to be when other issues are raising? don't talk abt the past. you know the PRESENT AND FUTURE matters most.
SOMETIMES LOVE IS JUST AIN'T ENOUGH. we all seek. we all pursue but at the end of the day, who talks abt I MARRIED FOR LOVE? OTHER things matter. however, if other matters goes well and you LOVE HIM i mean TRULY then you are one of the luckiest few smile.gif
Will I wait for him for another 2 years, only to to catch him doing something fishy again?
2 yrs..... how will u ever come up with such a time frame? so if not, you MOVE on after that?
girl... its 6.5 yrs of ur life!!!!!!!!
how many men you would have met and cherished u? I mean you are with him meaning there's somethin worth looking forward to rite?
a FUTURE. a husband.
so, why 2 yrs? shouldn't be a WHOLE LIFETIME?
Was he just being playful? Does he really love me? Is this relationship worth holding on to?
HE'S young. he's exploring. is that an ACCEPTABLE REASON? sorry not to me. because i c men who play all their lives. taking numbers and have a girl waiting for them at home wondering, have they gone home after clubbing
a leopard will never change its spots.
true. some guys will settle down. does your boy belong to this category? again, WE DUNNO. Because based on a mistake you just mention.
girl, LOVE IS thin red line between NEED. he could be used to u. he could have something that cling on to u. or maybe he JUST LOVE U.
but i prefer that LOVE do fades thru time regardless of any obstacles. he love u and wouldn't have done that.
why risk it? he risked it. why must u turn his risk and turn it to urs?
2 choices: leave him to explore and take all of his nonsense and praying u end up with him after he turns 25. or move on, get a man who deserve u and whom u deserve regardless the kind of man he will turn out to be.
a MISTAKE is ALWAYS a mistake
gd luck. woman don't let the HEART RULE THE MIND.
THE HEART IS A weak thing
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THEN i started do my girl thing, imagining if what I said is what i will do if it ever happen to me...
suddenly I thought maybe I will just murder him....
